One for the Ladies

One for the Ladies

Ladies, and a few men, might enjoy this next update. It’s an observation we all noticed at our home base from Day 1 of the deployment. I’ve described the different groups of people we encounter on a daily basis here. There are the DFAC workers – American management, Macedonians who do a lot of the cooking and serving, and the Afghans who do most of the cleaning. There are contractors from FLUOR to KBR to government contractors – all civilians. There are all kinds of military people – US forces, a few western coalition partners like Kiwis and an occasional Brit or two. Within the US military force is a highly trained special sub-group – the Rangers.

Rangers are the supposed tough guys who conduct night missions, raiding insurgent compounds, confiscating weapons caches, attacking groups of insurgents, etc. They truly are the Billy BadAsses of our area. Because most of their work happens at night, the guys have the day off – which means they hit the gym during the day. The gym is always crowded with them in the mornings and somewhat less in the afternoon, but it’s never a hassle having them around. They’re usually well mannered, stick to themselves and do some crazy workouts – which invariably people, including me, copy. I talked to one guy about his ab routine. He ripped it out of his notebook and handed it to me, I never expected that. Of course the page was covered in sweaty prints, but it will be used a lot when I get home.

As with the rest of the army, the Rangers have the same penchant toward tattoos. They’ve certainly got the right “canvas” for them. I’ve seen some interesting artwork on the guys – legs, arms, etc, but unlike the greater Army, I’ve not seen many neck or hand tattoos. I’m not saying those don’t exist, but I’ve not noticed them. I guess one could surmise the Rangers are a bit classier? Hard to imagine, but it could be true. Note – I didn’t say intelligent, just not as prone to tacky ink jobs. Typical ink includes flames and skulls, the occasional crucifix and shadowing. Whoever does their work must be a millionaire by now because I think in the 9 months I spent on base I’ve only seen 4-5 Rangers without at least one tattoo (officers excluded).

Now, when the Rangers go on mission, they naturally wear uniforms, have all their Hoo-ah gear, night vision devices, etc. But whenever they’re around base, eating in the DFAC, lifting in the gym, going to the PX, getting their haircut, the Rangers wear their standard PT gear – and this is why the Ladies will appreciate this section. The most bad ass guys on base, who work out the most and thus are mostly brawny and buff – those guys wear the skimpiest, tightest outfits of anyone.

Don’t know how that came about, but for those who like to see a bunch of young, muscled, All American men in tight black shorts and tan t-shirts strutting around base, oblivious to all the female & a few men’s fantasies they’re responsible for, any base with Rangers is a “Must See” destination. I only know a few such places in my greater area of operations, but I bet Rangers are everywhere.

I’ve worked with the guys on a professional level and know a few from the gym. Some are brilliant strategists and understand the importance of integrating my line of work with theirs. Others are complete Neanderthal’s with the verbal skills and vocabulary of a chicken but bodies and occasional faces of Adonis. One guy in particular from this current group stands out. I’ll call him Hans.

Hans is 6’ tall and weighs around 225lbs of solid, ripped muscle. He’s not lean enough to be in one of those national muscles magazines, but he’s no slouch. Hans has thick tree stump legs, the muscles of which are clearly defined, each distinct from the other. It’s almost like a walking Anatomy book illustration. He can run too, I joined him for a lap around base once, until he kicked up the pace and left me in the dust. The guy has a huge ass, clearly visible above the dust he created – it’s so big it probably needs its own zip code, but it’s in perfect proportion to the rest of his body. Get the picture?

Imagine a “Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show” all day, every day, consisting of young, muscled, sometimes sweaty tattooed men of all sizes lolling about in what we refer to as Ranger panties (basically black onion-skin running shorts) and tight tan t-shirts.

Ladies, for those of you who need a moment to yourselves after this section I suggest you close the door to whatever room you’re sitting, turn down the lights, make it yours, complete the fantasy. Then use it tonight on your spouse, bf, sig other, etc.

“When I think about you, I touch myself.”

In Afghanistan


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