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the Last Names Update

Last Names Update

We’ve departed Afghanistan and are making our way home. Along the way I saw a few more noteworthy names, some which made me laugh some which made me cringe. Two guys in particular had funny names when you say them after their rank. Major Comfort and Major Biggie are officers I saw during the last few weeks of the deployment. Funny ain’t it? I wonder how long they’ll remain at that rank before making Lieutenant Colonel. I hope its forever.

There were more guys with chick names and ya can’t help but feel sorry for them. Add Shelly, Leslie, and Shirley to Beverly, Carroll, Tiffany, and Vera. I wonder how much shit those guys took growing up. More pair names to mention: Harry & Potter (also Dobby – the house elf), Richy & Rich, Traylor & Park, Cherry & Bacon (they have nothing in common but being food items), Ruff & Tumble, Weekly & Payment, So & Sweet and Bird & Falcon.

Other names are just funny: Cruell, Shy, Stretch, Stuck, Six, Swimm, Lafairy (hahahahaha), Heist, Humble, Quirk, Fair, Hemp, Rebl, Dickey, Beard, Booz, Bobb, Obey, Exile, McCool ( no kidding, how awesome would that be), Obey (how weird would that be?), Formal, Dues, and Eden. The combo names are interesting: Shortridge, Loveland, Musselman, Graypiece and Showdown.

The last three kinda made me laugh out loud when I saw them. Namm was a Soldier I saw on my base – and ya gotta expect the worldly kids who read anything besides comic books in elementary school called him Viet-Namm. Why wouldn’t they? Hopefully the guy had a witty retort. In my unit we have this asian Soldier who always makes fun of being asian. He purposefully mixes up his L’s & R’s when he’s trying to make us laugh. Once he jumped out from behind a door and yelled “Suh-plies!” meaning “Surprise!” It was cute and you couldn’t help but laugh. Well, I was standing in line at the chow hall one day at lunch, looking at the back of Soldiers’ hats – we have name tapes on them now. Can you guess what I saw? Supplice! I nearly wet myself as images of Asians jumping out from hidden places bubbled up in my head. Mary and I looked at each other and I laughed at length right out loud. Chip was with us too, he’s half Japanese. “Oh yeah, make fun of the Asians again!” he said as he giggled with us. I don’t even think the guy was Asian.

I confirmed every suspicion I’ve ever had about being off balance when I saw this last name. We were in the chow hall in Kyrgyzstan (great place for observing stupid names) when a couple of Soldiers sat at a table across from us. I started humming a tune from my childhood about the dog, and you take away a letter of his name with each verse. Remember him, Bingo? Well, one of the dudes that sat at the table was Ngo. I wanted to jump up, clapping my hands like a special needs child, pure joy on my face, yelling at the top of my lungs, B-I-N-G-O!!! I just started laughing and after I told my friends of this mental meltdown I was experiencing. They firmly suggested I get professional treatment. I can’t totally disagree, but I’d rather have a massage.

Homeward Bound & Chained

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